Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
