we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
