so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
