The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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