She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
