My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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