Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
