at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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