Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
