I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
