how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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