I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
