My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
