Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
