I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
