I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
