My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
