actually, I'm a sock model
You're completely useless in the revolution.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
