I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
