Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
