even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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