I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dont even know how to be here
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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