nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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