pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
