Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
