Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
