Only a mothe r could love this liver
I look better un-naked...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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