i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
