it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
