a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
