And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
