I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
