FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
