youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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