My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
