There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
