I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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