Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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