There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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