in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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