ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
