In the future we'll all be gay
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
