morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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