I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
