Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
