can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
