I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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