I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
