About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
