I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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