Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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