normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
