there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
